F.E.A.R.
FIRST ENCOUNTER ASSAULT RECON, Holy fucking shit you guys that is the greatest name for a video entertainment device interactive system machine game in the entire fucking planet earth world. My pooper is literally detached from my torso and is living in a small house on the moon because this game not only has WEAPONS and MURDERING PEOPLE IN THEIR SPEAKING HOLE, but it has SLOW MOTION!!! It's too bad the rest of the game is fucking shit up the butt.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Call of Pripyat
See S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky review.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Mass Effect 2
Tits are awesome and aliens are awesome and when you put tits on aliens you get super awesome tits. On aliens.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
YOUR QUEST LIES IN THE HEART OF BATTLE
HOLY SHIT
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Crysis
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, you are the predator and you are murdering the ass loving fuck out of korea. There are many grass and interactive chickens to throw at korea but because you are invisible the game becomes transparent and interactive. While you can ice dudes in many entertainment ways, you eventually ice the entire korea and blue alians murder the fuck and your computer.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
BITCH PLEASE
FUCK EVERYONE IN THEIR RESPECTIVE TEN BUTTS.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Crackdown
Indisputably the most subtle and intelligent piece of interactive entertainment the industry has ever produced -- You play as the crackdown guy, who is forced to trial through many unspeakable endeavors that combine with the fantastic emotional narrative and compelling gameplay. This creates a synergy so near the precipice of perfection its enthralling nature is almost dangered as people are so compelled for innovation that the only problem is that the game is too good. One of the playable characters wears a sock over his head.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
GAMES OF THE Y'ALL
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves - PS3
Dragon Age: Origins - PC
Red Faction: Guerrilla - PC
inFamous - PS3
Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood - PC
Batman: Arkham Asylum - PC
The Beatles: Rock Band - Xbox 360
Borderlands - PC
Skate 2 - Xbox 360
Killzone 2 - PS3
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Mass Effect
In this space Oprah, instead of playing as a black lady on television you play as a lady AND or man in space and you have weapons that you put on your body and you shoot all of the aliens and human people that speak to you. You do a lot of speaking almost as if you were on a talk show! AH HAHA. I was compelling to play this video device because of how you are in space and the entire space is under the attack of space people in space. You also have dialoging with space people. The red alian has four testicles!
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky -- CHRISTMAS REVIEW SPECIAL
Post communist russia is a country in which you get attacked by wild bears and drink vodka, energy drinks and cans of beans. There are many aborigines that if you walk into them they will murder you because they are invisible like land mines. You are entertainmently tasked to murder the fuck out of a dude and in order to win the game you have to stalk him until he becomes catches on fire with your guns interactively.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
MIRROR'S EDGE -- CHRISTMAS REVIEW SPECIAL
In the year NEAR FUTURE the world has run out of colour. You play as an ETHNIC WOMAN and make things red by looking or shooting at them. The cutting scenes are made of idiots and I lowered the score of this entertainment game because of that. Merry Christmas!
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS -- CHRISTMAS REVIEW SPECIAL
Shit motherfuckers it's the most Christmasy time of the year - CHRISTMAS. And I can't think of a better holiday game than Dragon Age: Age of the Dragons. Dude this game has so much fucking Christmas spirit you'd think jesus started up a fucking LAN party and copied a bunch of god damn presents to your shared network folders. I played as a dwarf.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Frontlines: Fuel of War
Game's a piece of shit.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Left 4 Dead 2
YOU KILL THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE EARTH THREE HUNDRED TIMES OVER.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Forza 3
The Italians have always done things like this. You always drive fast, and you always wind. But thankfully you have the power of time travel because now you can drive for a long time and then do it again by losing. The graphics are intuitive and all of your weapons are in your mind and in your heart. You do what you need to do in order to do what you need to do. This is the true meaning for Forza 3, and this is how you win. You can also paint a car.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Brutal Legend
Much like in Black Jack you have an ace and a king, in Jack Black you have a guitar and weapons. You grow wings in order to play because this is a role time strategy where you have people make funny words with their faces but otherwise are really bad to play.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
InFamous
You play as electricity in this compelling action adventure role playing shooting game. Because you are electricity, all of your lightnings are guns. Homeless people HATE YOU.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Serious Sam First Encounter HD
YOU KILL THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE EARTH THREE TIMES OVER.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Far Cry 2
Set in post apocalyptic Africa you play as one of a bunch of pairs of arms in your adventures to save all the guns. You will be emotionally because all of the guns are DESTROYED BY YOUR ARMS which is IRONY.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Modern Warfare 2
OOOOHHHHG OOOODD OH GOD OH MY WHAT OH MY GOD THIS IS
OOOOOOHHHHHH DAAAAAMNNNN WTHIS WAS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SHIT MYYYYY GOD? HOLY SHIT THIS DAAAMNNNNNNNNNN GAME IS ALL MY FU WHAT IS CAN'T BE OH SNAAAP SON IT GOT SO DAMN REAL IT GOT SO REAL SO REAL SO REAL SO REAL SO DAMN REAL OH MY SO REAL GOD OH GOD SHIT FUCK
OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD OH MY GOD
I'M SO BAKED MAN
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Some Internet video games require you to shoot people in the dicks. One time people try to murder you while you are on a sign. Among Thieves is also stealing people's dicks because they unlock the last level. You have to get snow, water and two women on your body if you know what I mean. For a game with so many levels, there are a lot of words that the interactive characters tell you.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Red Faction: Guerrilla
Everything is an explosion.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM
The bat man is a video game bat who you interactively control in the interactive video bat game, batman: arkham asylum. Your job is to murder a clown who got stuck in jail because you let him catch you. Because your parents died there are missions where you point the bat signal to kill him. The clown put a lot of questions in the game which you pick up but much like real questions they do not answer anything. You ice people dudes by pressing the buttons while you kill people in the game. There is too many emotions in this game and you climb in air ducks to play.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
BORDERLANDS
Borderlands is an Internet videogame and you shoot dudes in the face to win. When you win, you can then win a second time by shooting dudes in the face until you win. You can play the game with an offline internet or with four online internets. The more internets you have, the more weapons you have to face. If you play with four internets, the game breaks because you have too many weapons. Playing over online multiplayer is like being kicked in your penis because it uses gamespy. This makes Borderlands the worst game in the world.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET