Lead and Gold - Gangs of the Wild West
The compelling death and redemption and flags and hats of Lead and Gold - Gangs of the Wild West is an tightened the graphics on level 3 to present you an evolution of the mechanical design that hats you into video games. You have two weapons unless you are the man who has one weapon, and I like hats. You can actually shoot hats in this game and for that reason I like shooting hats because this game is very good. The death system in the game kills you but sometimes you carry objectives to markets and then you win the game but there is no story or missions because this is over the internet which makes this game of the day 2010.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Sam and Max 101: Culture Shock
Oh my god I am a dog. I'M THE DOG. I'M A DOG AAAAAAAA
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Medal of Honor
In this blatant plagiarism spiritual successor of Modern Warfare 2, you are Modern Warfare 2 man killing people with weapons from Modern Warfare 2. My favourite maps were the Modern Warfare 2 map and the Modern Warfare 2 map also.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
E3 Writeup 2010
They had some video games?
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Torchlight
In the quest to get all of the money, you as a man or women are sent to find swords, guns and pets in this action adventure game by the guys what made this game. You live in a town which lives in a monster mash where you kill all of the enemies and win the game. The big monsters are hard to click on sometimes which isn't an interactive experience. While I am bias, there is no internet game in this game at all so if you are a fan of the internet then you will not be in the game.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Civilization IV
Set in the stone age, you play this video game what with some maps and big people with heads. They tell you to make towns and then you build a mine and a farm and then you die from being stinky. I have played this video internet entertainment for many years but I am don't know how to win because the game does not ever never can't won't oh god what is this sentence doing anymore I don't know end.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Spore
Game is fucking terrible and smells like shit.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Beat Hazard
I was compelled as shit to play some fucking video games and luckily for me, video games are a thing what I play when I play video games. Beat Hazard is a music game where you listen to music games by raping the part of your eyeballs what see things and make sense of what you see with your eyeballs. This game is very good at making that never happen and for that I give it an A+ for effort. Or, more accurately,
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Halo: Reach (Beta)
It's Halo.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
PREEMPTIVE REVIEW: Max Payne 3
I fucking hate this game. I loathe it. I wish the people behind it died. They deserve to. They have defiled an untouchable series with such precise skill, it's so hard to even imagine that the goal of the project was to do anything but that. It is an insult so great, there isn't a single thing I can say about it that will do this vile sack of turd droppings justice. Or the opposite of justice. I don't know what the opposite word to justice is. But this game is that.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Trine
One does not simply walk into video games. But I, as an internet, reviewed this walking video game on several occasions but most notably only a single one. I found that reviewing this game was both being blown away and immersion both at the same two times. You can play as a dude what got a sword, a dude what got a hammer who is also the sword dude, a dude what got an arrow and a dude what got magic and fireballs and shit I don't really know. Anyway with your powers combined you go and kill this fucking bad guy from hell but unlike Doom this was not set on Mars it was set in the real world with dragons but there weren't any dragons but there was a level named after dragons because you killed all the people in the levels what came before that level on the internet.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
PREEMPTIVE REVIEW: Alan Wake
Set in night time resident evil 5, you are set to kill as many zombies monsters that are allergic to light as you can while listening to voice overs of this man while doing quick time events on things that shouldn't need quick time events and the game also as bad as it is linear.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Dead Rising
I fucking love me some zombie ass zombies y'all. But it's not just zombies that I love. I also love video games and energy drinks. Those are my favourite things in the world.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Sleep is Death
I am Kritz from the Internet and I believe in this video game for president of video game entertainments all the time.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
MMO Games
They are all equally terrible and people who like them are morons.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Today is the worst day of my life
Apparently I am not the only internet review man on the internet. As you all know I have been on the internet for a very long time but not as long as this other internet review man who has been using the internet for far longer than me.
Because of this I will continue to review internets because while I may be a redundant tautology that is not original, I believe that the internet is a place for reviewing video games on the internet.
This website is entirely fictional and any similarities to actual events on the internet is entirely fictional.
Oh also I played Assassin's Creed 2 and my favourite part is when you kill the bad guys.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Just Cause 2
In this explosive video game I was blown away by the explosions and the parachute which I enjoyed because it was a never ending explosion of parachutes. While I am a professional internet review man on the internet that often gets blown away, this game is not red faction at all because you have a parachute. Sometimes the main character, Just Cause 2 Man, speaks to you and it is really bad because it sounds like a Meximan and I am not racist my best friend is Just Cause 2 but his voice was not compelling at all.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
See Red Faction: Guerrilla review.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Heavy Rain
This review is going to be a chronological representation of my entertainment and interactive thought bubbles while playing this game:
Huh? Oh, sweet. POW HAHA. OH FUCK. OH FUCK OH FUCK. HOLY SHIT OH FUCK YES OH GOD WHAT FUCK YES!!!! OH MY GOD NO HE OH MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME FUCK YES WHOO YES YES! OH MY GO- oh my... wait. Wait, what? What the... fuck? FUCK? What the fuck. Fuck that. Fuck this. FUCK. FUCK THIS GAME. FUCK IT. THE FUCK WAS THAT? Fuck. FUCK. FUCK! ... the fuck? Huh?
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Supreme Commander
Robers shoot the fucking shit out of everything and explode ALL OVER your computer but you are so far away you are in fact playing desktop icon arranging: the game (I will not review that game but it is not very good 5/5 stars - kritz.net) but also you have mech warriors and water.
TRANSFORMERS, ROBERTS IN THE SKIES is probably a better analogee for this game because they turn into xboxes. But xboxes are the inferior platform of choice so I would hardly call it an evolution of the interactive entertainment internet.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
F.E.A.R.
FIRST ENCOUNTER ASSAULT RECON, Holy fucking shit you guys that is the greatest name for a video entertainment device interactive system machine game in the entire fucking planet earth world. My pooper is literally detached from my torso and is living in a small house on the moon because this game not only has WEAPONS and MURDERING PEOPLE IN THEIR SPEAKING HOLE, but it has SLOW MOTION!!! It's too bad the rest of the game is fucking shit up the butt.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Call of Pripyat
See S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky review.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Mass Effect 2
Tits are awesome and aliens are awesome and when you put tits on aliens you get super awesome tits. On aliens.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
YOUR QUEST LIES IN THE HEART OF BATTLE
HOLY SHIT
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET
Crysis
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, you are the predator and you are murdering the ass loving fuck out of korea. There are many grass and interactive chickens to throw at korea but because you are invisible the game becomes transparent and interactive. While you can ice dudes in many entertainment ways, you eventually ice the entire korea and blue alians murder the fuck and your computer.
5/5 STARS -- KRITZ.NET